Posted in In Dedication...

True Lies and Hidden Meanings

Everyday I look to see
If maybe you have added me
Again, on this chatting forum
Whether or not our talks will go around

 

What I’d mainly like is for you to see
How I now feel about you leaving me
After months of laughter, shared voices and views
I want you to see how you left me confused

 

It’s not about confusion though
Lying took centre stage
Coz I’m not sure which part it is
That you’ve really played

 

Did you truly not want to leave?
Or was that a sham?
Thought I’d check again
You played me, you have

 

Three months you say you took
The Big Red Button to push
You said this day was coming
Whichever way you looked

 

I’ll accept that you left me
For my own good
I still count you as my friend
So believe you, I should

 

But what really hurts me is
The months of fun and laughter
You never even caught yourself
Before brushing on like none of it mattered

 

I don’t know why I’m writing this
There’s no point to it now
All I really want to know is
The truth of why you chose now to move on.

 

© Ruth P. – 2016

No part of this work may be reproduced.

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Author:

An avid reader, thinker, daydreamer and listener. I like black cats and warm rain and fast cars. And oh yes, I quite like to write too!!

14 thoughts on “True Lies and Hidden Meanings

  1. Sigh! Ruth, a dash of nostalgia, a hint of hurt, a pinch or remorse, a morsel of anger, a crumb of hope…together a powerful concotion from the depths of a pained heart and a charred soul. I could be wrong but is this your first passive aggressive?

    One question though: “The division of choice” that wasn’t supposedly his turned out to be a lie? New discovery or assumption?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, definitely my first passive-aggressive, though I didn’t attach that label to it until you introduced it to my mind. And all those attributes, too – spot on.

      This concoction – because that is what it really is – came rippling out of me this afternoon, and I knew I had to share it if I wanted some semblance of control, being so full with all those feelings. I’ve put it here to be free of them, if I can. And if not, then at least to accept them and move on.

      I don’t know anything right now; to be honest I am still confused. He has never lied to me though, so I cannot believe that he would begin now, only to leave. To what point or purpose would that be!?

      It’s neither a new discovery, and nor it is it a complete assumption. It is the frustrated hope of a hurt heart that is grasping for answers, and not getting even straws.

      And I tend to stay away from assumptions, so I may write them in poetry, but that is all they will ever be. I never let them stick too firmly in my mind. And especially not this time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh yes, I missed frustration. It’s a good thing you let assumptions happen only on paper. Most of what we assume almost always turn out to be wrong in any case.
        And i hope you are feeling better, after this unleashing?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, lesson long since learnt – assumptions are bad.

        I don’t know yet. i’m still reading through my own words, as if they’ll have the answers I want so much to know.

        But I am stronger than any of this. So even if I want to mope and be a weepy drunk about this, I’m going to do the healthy and sensible thing and just find a way to move on with my life. I suppose, in time, I’ll feel better too.

        Like

  2. …Gosh! This had all my feelings and emotions reaching out to give you a huge hug in the hope that it might make you feel better… ❤ So so much feeling here, confusion, frustration, hurt and more! This one connected and hit home and you are very much in my thoughts, Ruth, as I sit and type this and try and catch up with WP having been busy playing organ again… You have opened your heart and soul here and there is much here to work through…I wish you well from the very bottom of my heart. Take care… ❤ 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am blessed with so many wonderful friends, and I thank the Lord for you all. ❤ I had to get all of that out, not wanting to let it fester inside me. And there is no better place for that, than WP. Every emotion is an opportunity for creativity in disguise, I've learnt, and so I let the words flow as they may.

      I do want you to know that I'm doing better now. Moving on slowly but surely, but not lingering over the past, even as I remember it with much fondness. I would have liked to hear you playing the organ. I share a soul with music, and in my current mental state, I'd have loved to listen to you play. There is nothing quite so calming as music.

      Thank you for your good wishes, my friend. I may be replying quite late, but I assure you, your wishes were with me all these days. I hope you're doing well too, what with organ playing and gardening and WP going on all together. And also, I hope your son's exams went well. Best wishes to you too, as Mother's Day comes up. May the Lord give you good health, bright eyes, a loving heart and calm strength, and grant you happiness and the company of your family and friends. Take care, dear friend. Hope you catch up with you soon. :)<3

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What a wonderfully, heart warmingly, beautiful reply! Thank you so for that, which I read before I went off camping. It is now my turn to say how very fortunate I am to have such amazing friends on here who wish me well, and to share in what I do. It was SO good to get away and to just be so close to Nature …and the peace was just WONDERFUL! I am so glad you are doing well and coming to terms with what has been a painful experience in your life. God’s Blessings as you continue down your path…Love, light and joy be yours. My son’s exams have finished and he says they seem to have gone ok. and that he could not have done any more. You cannot ask for more than that he has done his best…I have returned straight into organ playing tomorrow…but that’s how it goes! I suppose even your idyllic place you would sooner or later take for granted…it’s what humans do… So I have lots of catch up to do now. Please bear with me…it will take a while. I just wanted to say hello and that I am back. Take good care and my very good wishes to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is good to have you back my friend. And I do think I shall be returning to WP myself now. Just have needed some time to myself, but it is time to reconnect. Yes, we do seem to be quite cavalier towards vacations once they’re over, but we need them nonetheless. Enjoy catching up with everything again, and I thank you for your good wishes. You take care too and create some beautiful music! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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