Posted in In Dedication...

Behind the Lines, I See

Every time I turn around

A hesitant thought in my heart

Trembling words on my lips

I see this empty space and falter;

Reminder forever of a crushing loss.

 

The mind knows you are gone

But I remain unbelieving

So long as the heart carries within

Even the slightest smidgen of longing;

Undecipherable wordless cries that remain silenced.

 

There are days when I am better

Not hearing myself echo from deep inside

Chanting your name over and over

From within the void you ripped in me;

De-Void of existence since you left.

 

Of my few constants, one is gone

I am one pillar short of support

Three I have left to me

And faith alone keeps them standing;

Your gift of faith provides their substance.

 

Do not mistake my ramblings for weakness

I am stronger than I seem

Master of my feelings

For I know why you left me;

This division was not of your choice.

 

Would opportunity permit

Much there is that I would say

To you, as I always have

But I know it is not needed;

Our confidant is One Higher and ever watchful.

 

I take comfort from

Your strength of purpose

I take courage from

Your firm decisiveness;

You have gifted me with your apparent cruelty.

 

In return I give you

All my love

Should you but accept it

As I give it, in fond hope;

And forget not a once-friend who wishes you Peace.

 

© Ruth P. – 2016

No part of this work may be reproduced.

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Author:

An avid reader, thinker, daydreamer and listener. I like black cats and warm rain and fast cars. And oh yes, I quite like to write too!!

14 thoughts on “Behind the Lines, I See

  1. The constant conflict between the strong mind that pushes life to go on and the fragile heart that refuses to let go. So beautifully captured!

    And this:
    “Of my few constants one is gone
    I am one pillar short of support
    Three I have left to me
    And faith alone keeps them standing”
    Outstanding delivery of diction and imagery and motif. Simple and lucid and very impactful.

    “Master of my feelings
    For I know why you left me;
    This division was not of your choice”
    ‘Master of my feelings’ is just so awesome Ruth. It’s a very strong, powerful statement you make in these three lines. I’ve always thought we can control our thoughts but never our feelings. Speaking on a very personal level here, of course. But when you say you have mastery over your feelings, it just shows how tough a person can be, compelled to toughen perhaps by repeated or perpetual disappointment/discontent. Im left wondering if i could ever be a mistress of my feelings. And the answer is NADA! I salute your confidence and your bravery.

    And the closing stanza, kindness and compassion even in the desire to hurt. Remember I had w ritten about it? Well, this is what that is.

    All in all, masterly in execution, this was a diamond in the rough.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And it is I, now, who has been rendered speechless by your insight.

      Of course, mastering my feelings didn’t happen in a day; it is the result of long years of constant effort and I still do slip up at times in the face of strong emotive input. But that does not mean it is impossible, just the same as it is not impossible to control and direct one’s thoughts. Of course, you are correct in your observation of this is a toughening-up that was required due to a series of circumstances.

      The entire poem, including the closing stanza, of course, is in dedication to the one who’s only way to help me in the best way he knew how, was to leave me. That is his strength and his “apparent cruelty”, which I know he would not have inflicted on me had he had any other choice. Yes, I do remember your words on the topic.

      You have called this piece a diamond in the rough and I will agree insofar as this is all that it will be and remain. As far as I can see, it will never be polished.

      I am glad you like this work. It is a piece of my soul., and not just a self-expression. Thank you for your commendations.

      Like

      1. And oh yes, in my fervour, I forgot to add my thoughts on the “division not of your choice” bit. Even without you explaining now, i had managed to understand it the way you wrote it. The gifting of apparent cruelty had given itself away quite clearly. I will repeat, this was exemplary and should not even be thought of being polished for the beauty of the diamond in the rough is in its pure rawness.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I tried to put my thoughts down with as much simple authenticity as I could. I’m glad it has translated into the voice of the expression of the poem with some success. Yes thank you, I assure you, its not going to be polished.

        Liked by 1 person

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