Posted in The Wandering Mind

Un-edit-ed

There is no excuse for this

I’m simply loosing my mind

Waiting for your texts to appear.

 

Your image floats before me

I wonder why they say I’m crazy

When you’re only visible to me.

 

I’m tired of always pushing down

Putting my feelings out of commission

Sacrificing love isn’t me; I’m only doing it for you.

 

You’re the only one I trust

But I find I don’t really know you

We’re further apart now than when we never talked.

 

I wake up every morning

Pin a fake smile to my face

But I never look in my mirror any more.

 

I swallow with difficulty

My throat is raw from silent screams

People tell me they never hear me speak.

 

My eyes are red, and sometimes misty

It comes from staring too long at the sun

Just another red hot love I cannot touch.

 

You set my path to God

I’ll thank you every day

Bless you for your own kind of love.

 

I don’t blame you; this is just me

Pouring out my feelings in raw poetry

It is the only way I can talk about you anymore.

 

So I don’t hold back, this is just me

Me – deep, hollow, dark, and empty

Fighting to hold back the void, from consuming me.

 

© Ruth P. – 2016

No part of this work may be reproduced.

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Author:

An avid reader, thinker, daydreamer and listener. I like black cats and warm rain and fast cars. And oh yes, I quite like to write too!!

29 thoughts on “Un-edit-ed

  1. This verse for to me.

    I swallow with difficulty

    My throat is raw from silent screams

    People tell me they never hear me speak.

    Ruth, I do not know how to put it. But again, I will ask for your forgiveness of I do not manage to capture the meaning here. This was as personal as it can get. I loved the raw emotions here dripping from every line, screaming for that one love your heart truly desires. Some great great lines here, especially not being able to look into the mirror for fear of seeing your own worst fear. And screaming your lungs out when clearly, it’s only you who can you hear those screams. Deep longing for love or chance at love, I daresay! And the closing stanza, well it’s the effort I see in trying to keep your sanity intact by doing the only thing you think can save you. And here, I’m sorry my usage of ‘you’ isn’t necessarily directed at you.
    I really hope I have managed to capture your poem at least in some little way.
    Heaetbreakingly beautiful!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, never fear. You’ve got it exactly. 🙂 Except that if you say ‘you’, it would be absolutely right. That is why it’s called ‘Un-edit-ed’, because this is just me straight from the heart. I had wanted to try and write a quatrain on this, but I’m not yet so familiar with that form to somehow have just four lines carry all of this meaning. And so this is the result.
      Indeed it is a longing, for either love or for peace from the pain, I no longer know.
      I’m glad you find it beautiful. Thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh Ruth, you gave me a lump with that “longing, for either love ot for peace from the pain, I no longer know”. I will not say a more more

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ah, its alright. I’m a romantic at heart and empathetic to boot. And both have caught me at a bad time together. Wonder why they ganged up on me. But, I’m feeling much better after reading ‘Divergence’. What a way to enliven a soul to its roots!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes, the name, I knew would, touch a chord with you. I’m still reeling with delight over the realization that this collab found so much of a home in you.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The name did, true. But it’s identification with the content itself was almost fleeting, because the content itself is so powerful! I have had a wonderful hour of delighting myself with your collaborative result. If it were possible, as poets, to present some of our poems to a live audience, I am sure ‘Divergence’ would strike a chord with many others as it has done with me. Some may live it as a dream, some may read it as I have, but I am sure, spoken or not, your poem will pull a response from any who experience it. That’s how good you guys are. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. You just won’t stop gushing about this poem, will you? 😉 Yes the live audience thing, we talked about it earlier as well. Wish we could get like minded and willing would and do something to make it a reality.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Are you kidding me!! I’m considering printing it and framing it!! Talk about gushing. 😛 It is a dream for me, especially now that I’ve met you and so many others through you, brilliant poets all!! Not to mention how pan-national it would be to bring such diversity together, to celebrate so simple a thing!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. She’s just brilliant, Matt. No one like her. I’m so glad you two met. Matt, please meet my loveliest reader/friend and Ruth please meet my soul bro. Matt, my “You are the W of my word” was for her.

      Liked by 2 people

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